"A person can receive only what is given them from heaven." John 3.27 (NIV)
“Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them ... When Peter saw him, he asked, 'Lord, what about him?' Jesus answered, 'If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.'” John 21:20–22 (NIV) Stay in your lane. Comparison kills creativity and joy. — Brené Brown “Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about;See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong— then guide me on the road to eternal life.” Psalm 139:23-24 (MSG)
We need an app that holds a mirror up to ourselves so that we can see ourselves as we are really seen by others; I know the image I want to project and I know what I think I am but I don’t know if that’s really how I am. We spend a lot of time looking to our right and our left to see how others are doing. In doing so we fall prey to the Comparison Trap …
We’re always asking, “How am I doing?”, “Am I acceptable?”, “Am I measuring up?”.
THERE IS NO WIN IN COMPARISON.
The Land of Er
Rich – er Tall – er Skinny - er Pretty – er Smart – er Happy – er Hip – er Talented – er
We are daily engaging in a lose-lose activity and we may not even realize how destructive it is. Being rich-er or smart-er or funny-er may feel like a short-term win, but for ourselves, our families, and our marriages, comparison is a game with no winners.
Maybe you’ve racked up debt trying to keep up with your neighbors. Maybe your high expectations drive your spouse or kids crazy. Maybe you have relatives you don’t get along with because you envy what they have and rejoice in their failures. There is also another group …
Rich – est Smart – est Happy – est Healthy – est Retweeted – est
“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” Proverbs 14:30 (NIV)
You can’t genuinely love someone whom you secretly hope will fail. You can’t genuinely love someone whom you’re pushing to meet a standard so you can feel better about yourself.
“For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.” James 3:16 (NIV)
“Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple.” Job 5:2 (NIV)
Note: Pilate knew that the Pharisees were envious of Jesus! (“For he knew it was out of envy that they had handed Jesus over to him.” Matthew 27:18; Mark 15:10)
“And I saw that all labor and all achievement spring from man’s envy of his neighbor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.The fool folds his hands and ruins himself.Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.” Ecclesiastes 4:4-6 (NIV)
There’s no win in comparison. There’s never a finish line or sense of satisfaction.
“Again I saw something meaningless under the sun:There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. ‘For whom am I toiling,’ he asked, ‘and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?’ This too is meaningless-- a miserable business!” Ecclesiastes 4:7-8 (NIV)
Who or what are you going to use as your reference point to tell you you’re okay? (Camera)
Is it your parents, family, dollars, boss, industry, how you look, how well your kids do, how big your church is, etc.?
TAKE YOUR CUE ABOUT YOU FROM THE ONE WHO MADE YOU, LOVES YOU, AND REDEEMED YOU.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” 1 Corinthians 13:4 (NIV)
God is the creator of the universe. He’s big and smart and powerful. He orchestrates time and everything that happens in it. And He has told us to call Him … DAD? Being part of God’s family has huge implications for our self-assurance. God’s opinion of us provides something we haven’t yet found comparing ourselves to others.
“But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law.God sent him to buy freedom (redeem) for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children.And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, ‘Abba (DAD), Father.’” Galatians 4:4-6 (NLT)
Good parents don’t compare their children to other kids. God doesn’t compare us to other people. Who does your heavenly Father compare you to? Whose estimation of you should you believe? Is it difficult to believe that God loves you like that? Why?
If you’ll embrace this you’ll find peace …
“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” Proverbs 14:30 (NIV)
In Matthew 25 Jesus tells a parable that gives us the key to this Camera App. If we’ll apply what Jesus teaches through this story it will free us from the comparison trap once and for all!
“Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them.To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey.The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more.So also, the one with the two talents gained two more.But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.“After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them.The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.’“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’“The man with the two talents also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.’“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’“Then the man who had received the one talent came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed.So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’“His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed?Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.“‘Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents.For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’” Matthew 25:14-30 (NIV)
What you have (been entrusted with) is far less important that what you DO with what you have! What you have is NOT the point. The critical aspect of this story is what we’re doing with what we’ve been given.
We can’t run someone else’s race. When we compare ourselves to other people, we’re telling God that our choices are His fault … that if He would entrust us with what someone else has we would behave differently. We need to take a breath, refocus on what God has given us, and run our own races.
CELEBRATE WHAT GOD HAS GIVEN OTHERS AND LEVERAGE WHAT GOD HAS GIVEN YOU.
What are you going to do with what God has entrusted to you? Leadership done well will continually be a force that drives you back into the center of yourself to find out what you’re really made of. (Personality Inventory, Coach, etc.)
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
a. When you played games or sports as a child, were you a good loser? How did you handle winning?
b.Have you ever had to work hard to meet someone else’s expectations? How did it affect your relationship with that person?
c.What is your greatest ambition in life right now? What are you doing to pursue it? Is that ambition motivated at all by comparing yourself to others?
d.Are you exhausted or broke from trying to keep up with friends or neighbors? If so, explain.
e.Is there anyone you secretly enjoy seeing fail? What can you do to extend that person grace?
f.What is one thing you can do to allow the thought of tranquility—contentment—to help you pause in the midst of the comparison trap?
g.When you pray, do you refer to God as “Father”? If you do, how does that affect the way you relate to God? If you don’t, why don’t you?
h.What can you do to allow God’s opinion of you shape who you are and the choices you make?
i.What can you do to begin to decide what you’re going to do with what God has entrusted to you?